But strangely enough and according to us, here at Botto headquarter we are actually celebrating three successful years of trolling Yelp, and we are sharing it loudly, as usual, with our thousands of followers, Botters and friends.
That's right, three long years of giving crap and humiliating one of the biggest and scariest corporations on the internet (again scary according to them of course). How can this be possible?!! It's a miracle!!! (Still, a miracle according to Yelp of course)
Over the past three years they took so much crap from us that we are actually surprised that neither their V.P. Vince Sollito (the one who declares us out of business every week) nor any of their other big shots have jumped from the Golden Gate with a big sign 'I Hate Botto"!!
These three long years have been a pathetic parade of comical attempt by these geniuses to deal with us (at some point we thought they were going to call the Marines for help) and apparently all those Harvard studies and strategies have not worked against a couple of arrogant Italians fresh from the boat.
Over these last three years they have not figured this one out, but no worries, they have time as we have no intention of letting them off the hook any time soon, we are just warming up.
For any of you who are still unclear about why we're doing this, here is how it started:
on April 14th, 2014, after already harassing us every day and manipulating our ratings to try to force us to buy ads from them so they could help us "manage" our reviews, a Yelp salesperson called us. (What does the word "manage" mean to you? To us it smells like extortion).
He wanted us to sign a one year contract with Yelp. Instead, after we told him to go in that place that we can't really say on Facebook, we had him and Yelp sign a lifetime contract with us, an Italian contract that will take us on a journey that will troll them around the nation and around the world.
Asking our customers to give us one star reviews and paying for it destroyed Yelp's system along with their credibility. On the 1st of September, 2014 our campaign 'Hate Us On Yelp' was born, and in few weeks we became the worst business that ever existed on Yelp (increasing our business with more volume and better customers).
They thought Botto's 15 minutes of fame would slowly fade away. Well, as of today it hasn't really worked out that way and hundreds of articles and a documentary movie coming soon did exactly the opposite of what the geniuses predicted.
Over these past three years we learned a few things: first of all, it is not a great idea try to extort the Italians, but most importantly we learned that this big corporation has absolutely zero power over us, therefore we trolled them like there is no tomorrow any given day, holidays included.
To make it even more humiliating, we bribed their own users every single day, including the Yelp Elite. With a few dollars off a pizza you can buy their soul and their opinion, just like anyone else. Yelp gives them an Elite badge for loyalty, but when they see a cheap pizza that loyalty goes on vacation and they become our employees (something for everyone to think about in case you want free workers). Yelp's slaves become Botto's slaves. Amazing how easy it has been to line'em up out our door and stab Yelp in the back for a piece of bread with tomato and mozzarella.
Yelp is removing these reviews as fast as they can (so far 3,000 and counting), but we are faster than them and we got a few screen shots, and we got our trophy well placed on our desk and on our website for you to see.
Three long years during which people have not listened to Yelp and have kept coming to Botto, enjoying a Yelp-free and idiot-free environment created by Italians and their Italian community.
12,000 followers on Facebook, 15,000 subscribers to our newsletters, cooking classes sold out for over a year, and various appearances on TV, including the Jimmy Fallon show, all thanks to these geniuses that knocked on the wrong door that famous day of April 14th, 2014.
All of us, including all our followers, have to thank this gang of Mr Beans for allowing us to grow so much while having a blast mocking them and using their site without their permission. Priceless!
A big thank you with all our heart goes to all of you, dear Botters and followers who made this possible, and we can assure you that we have a few more years of fun and trolling ahead of us. We thank all the Italian American community, along with the thousands of business owners who supported us and continue to do so.
We promise you that we will continue to serve them with the taste of their own bitter medicine. When they hear Botto Bistro their blood pressure sky rockets for sure. Never lose focus here, they looked for us and started it, and in the name of the father, son, and the
holy spirit we are going to finish it
We thank also the ones who really hate us (for real). Without their hate we could not make it. It's only when we piss a few geniuses off that we know we are on the right track. We created a few pages on our site to deal with lower IQ people and they became the three pages with the most traffic ever. Go figure!
So, happy birthday 'Hate Us on Yelp"! Give us one star on Yelp, trash us, hate us, destroy us, and we'll give you 50% off and our Italian blessing.
Oops!!! We also forgot to promote our pizza and food, but who cares anyway, it is crap and expensive and after
all we are here to troll Yelp and their followers, certainly not to cook.
You don't like what we are doing? Don't worry this is not real, it's definitely not happening, it's all fake news (according to Yelp of course).
They say Yelp can make or break your business. So far they haven't broken a meatball, so maybe that rule doesn't apply for Italians
We love you all. Grazie!
The Botto Yelp Violator Team